Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Teachings of Patience

After a wonderful and exciting trip visiting my brother in Alaska with my one year old son in May of 2000, I returned home to Arkansas to find myself one month later not expecting to expect my fourth child. From the moment of conception, yes conception, I knew that the next little Scott was on his or her way. I wasn't ready. This one I had not prayed fasted and planned for. My son was barely walking. But I knew that ready or not, another choice spirit was coming into our home.

At about 12 weeks gestation, I was in danger of a miscarriage. Up until this point, I was still in denial about being pregnant. I wasn't excited as I had been in previous pregnancies. I was dis attached because I was still wrapped up in my little one year old boy. As I called my husband and had him take me to the emergency room, the feelings overwhelmed me that I did not want to lose this baby. For the first time in this pregnancy, I wanted that little baby to know that I wanted him or her. As the ultrasound technician searched for any signs as to what alarmed me, I could see the worry in his face. I couldn't see that monitor and what he was looking for, and I prayed and cried that everything would be okay. Brad and the technician almost smiled at the same time when they saw that the heart was beating strongly. Then the baby waved, yes waved almost as if he or she was saying, "It's okay mom! I'm right here and everything is going to be okay." I knew then that this little spirit was strong and that I wanted him or her as a part of our family.

Now, why do I choose to write of my fourth child first? Because on March 8th, 2001, Kimberlee Halie Noel came into this world and has made her presence known ever since. I wanted to name this little baby Patience, because I teased that we needed some in our family. Little did I know that Kimberlee would be the test of all patience. I write of her, because this helps me remember why I love her. She is an individual. She is a leader. She is one of strong character and opinion. She looks just like me when I see pictures of me at her age. Does this mean that she acts like I did? Actually, no...not then...but scary enough, she reminds me of whom I am now. She is tough without the trials. She is loving, without learning how to love unconditionally. She has opinions without them being formed for her. She leads but also knows how to follow the right example. Not that she doesn't make wrong choices, but she actually understands right from wrong. And understands that there is a consequence. She challenges each member of our family to learn patience. And on those days when she has tested us beyond what we think is our limit...if you listen closely, you might just hear Brad and I whisper if it truly was her name from the beginning.